[it's enough. enough to give yan bingyun that little wrinkle in his forehead and wonder if he's going to run into yan bingyun, spymaster of northern qi.

the thought gives him a shiver that has nothing to do with the cold, but he rubs his arms anyway.]

Because I'm not there to see her settled in Qing. Or make sure that she's safe.

[he averts his eyes. suddenly it's not cold at all, or maybe it's just his face that feels warm.]

She helped me, even when I made it difficult for her. And this is how I repay her.

[his fingers curl into loose fists, a display of anger before he can get control of it. but most of it is at himself.]