Lust, forgetful of future suffering, hurries us along the forbidden path

[scaredofdogs]

WHO: Wei Wuxian (novel) and You!

WHAT: Wei Wuxian has been given a lust tea..no one shall be spared!

WHEN: After the event ends for a week

WHERE: All around the hotel

NOTES: Content warnings: He's lustful..depending on who he encounters, things could get spicey. Feel free to meet him and give him a good slap if he gets too feely, or feel free to treat him to a drink to fulfill that need for company! And then tell him to get lost...

Wei Wuxian was glad he could see again. Being blind had been rather inconvenient, even if it could have been much worse. He's pretty sure not being able to talk would have been a much bigger inconvenience for him personally. So in a way he was thankful. He had also discovered several new parts of the building that he would have to find again, now that he could actually see what they looked like.

But when it was all over, there was an empty jar left in his room. He couldn't quite understand it at the time because it simply had a note from the lady of the hotel and the word "LUST" written on it. He just figured it was a unique gift and had set it aside as a decorative piece. But then later that day the feelings started and he realized that the hotel might be playing another trick on him. He hadn't eaten or drunk anything yet so he knew that it wasn't because of that.

He couldn't quite put his finger on it yet, but something was just a little off about him today. He found himself wanting..everything. Or was it everyone? He wasn't sure but he was going to have to be careful. A sensible person would have stayed in their room and tried to figure out what was going on, but Wei Wuxian could not stay contained in one spot for too long. So he was wandering the hallways.

All he knew was that he wanted food, drink and company in the worst way...

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[inquiryguqin]

The moment he slammed his hands on the table, he just can't sit there, waiting on him. He wanted to open his mouth, to say anything. Unable to suppress it, the masked of stoicism melted with a cool fury as tears streamed down.

Wei Wuxian is pushing him away again. Then chasing after him out of the bar, speaking quickly within an earshot. While the man never yells in his life, he yells out of desperation to save him and get him back.

"You don't know or not interested? Not cultivation? Not talking to me or seeking my help? Not thinking about finding a way back home and leave everything behind? What are you playing me for?"

Heaving a sigh, he did lose focus and motivation. Feeling useless again. "Fine then. Go ahead. Run away. Back to your cave. Where else you'll be going? All I ever wanted is taking you back home to Gusu and helped you to fulfill the curse and find the man you wanted to kill. It's your life and you're wasting yourself away in this damn place. You fool. Do what you want. It's fine. It's okay."

No, not okay, but he has to let him go, surrendering him to the drink, losing him to alcohol again. He grits his teeth, growling out of frustration and anger, he turns to face the wall, and in a release of great and outburst, he punched it with his fist. The hard impact from his strength creates a hole in the wall.

Years of waiting and sacrifice, all of those lives wasted on this fool, seeking justice and making things right again. Just fuck everything.

[scaredofdogs]

Wei Wuxian stopped moving when Lan Wangji yelled at him. But he never turned around. Kept his back to the man as his anger sliced through him. The man that barely said ten words to him in the course of a day is slicing his heart in two with his words. And Wei Wuxian deserved all that anger. The betrayal the other felt is entirely his fault and he can't deny it. But neither can he make it better..not in this instant and probably not in a lifetime. He only lights things on fire, he doesn't know how to extinguish the flames.

And perhaps it is better this way...for Lan Wangji to hate him just as everyone else does. Makes life simpler. The single plank bridge is the one he chose to walk on and so he's familiar with it. He knows how to be alone. Running away is exactly what he wanted to do. Just like when he first saw Lan Wangji at Mo village. He couldn't handle seeing the people he knew in his past life and yet one after another they kept showing up. It was inescapable..just like this place.

The sound of a fist hitting the wall makes him flinch. And still he doesn't turn. He can't or else the tears that have left tracks once again down his cheeks would be seen. This is fine. This is exactly what he deserves. Keep his voice as steady as he possibly can, he finally responds.

He doesn't want to kill anyone. He doesn't want any more blood on his hands. The curse had been merely an after thought when they were trying to solve the case of the possessed body parts. And he certainly didn't ask for Lan Wangji's help to try and find out who Mo Xuanyu hated so much.

"Yeah. It's okay. Did you ever stop and wonder why this place doesn't bother me? Maybe because here, no one asks anything of me. No one expects me to play the part of the Yilling Patriarch. No one is afraid of me or wants me dead. And despite that..do you know what I've been doing? I've talked to every staff member. Every person I encounter. I've gathered every ounce of data I can possibly find..all because I haven't settled. Because I want to find the crack in the wall and see if any of the people here are connected in some way. Because someday I do want to get home and the only way to do that is to smile, ask questions and put on the most pleasant face anyone would want to see."

He's always wasted his life so why should this place be any different..He'll just go back to being the Yilling Patriarch. He'll get his powers back and he'll just make everyone kneel. He'll get his answers the only way anyone gets anything. Through fear.

"I am a fool. I never claimed I wasn't. I only know how to behave foolishly. I came to apologize. To make things right. But..nevermind. It's better this way. I'll just keep walking this single plank bridge."

No complicated feelings. Just..no feelings at all. He starts to walk again, unable to look Lan Wangji in the face and show just how not okay any of this was.

[inquiryguqin]

As soon as his display of anger and outbursts left him, he is overcome with shame to see what he has done. He sees the hole in the wall and his bleeding fist. He remembered letting loose his fury over trees over his own guilt.

Afterward, he doesn't know what came over him. He just stood there, listening to his sincere plea and doesn't realize how much of his past is a burden to him. Emotions are raw at this point. Their hearts are fighting. In this place, he is free, and yet, it won't fix or solve anything as long they're in place. Yes, he is hurt, but not in a way Wei Wuxian thinks.

Slowly, he looks at him only to see his back, and then as he slowly walks away...

Only to have Lan Wangji follow him and reached out to hold his hand.

"Wei Ying. Listen. No. I'm a bigger fool here. I wanted to apologize as well. Forgive me. Even if you don't feel or see the same way as me, I..."

He held his hand tighter, knowing Wei Wuxian can pull away and ran away, not listening to him, discarding his own feelings. Motivated by his own deep regrets.

"Don't walk that bridge alone. On the other side, where you go, it's dark."

[scaredofdogs]

Wei Wuxian is used to the dark. He spent three months in it and then even more time trying not to succumb to it. He's sure that if he had to he could easily fall right back into that life that made everyone so fearful. But it's not what he wants. He wants to enjoy his time with Lan Wangji..but now there is a wall that he can't quite climb over quite yet.

It's a wall of insecurity and self loathing. He hates what he has put this man through. Apparently the pain he caused running even deeper then he thought. Lan wangji's words ring through his mind, echoing in his ears, almost deafening to the point where nothing else will register.

"You'll only get hurt by my side, Hanguang-Jun. I've already hurt your heart and now you are physically hurt because of me. You're better off forgetting I even exist."

If he could erase his existence or his memory from Lan wangji's mind and save him from the pain, then he would do it. It doesn't matter how much he hurts as long as Lan Wangji doesn't have to endure it.

"Your future is in the light, where mine will always be in the dark."

[inquiryguqin]

Gently he lets his hand go, feeling his pain and his hurt. This one obstacle where Wei Wuxian always puts up a wall between him and others because of his actions. This same wall Lan Wangji put up, raised by discipline, rules, and routine and doing the right thing.

"What went through your mind that caused this fear? Don't be selfish. I can't forget. I never have forgotten you for all of these years. Don't ask me to forget. The light is meant to be shared and it's something I happily give."

Taking a deep breath, searching his words. "I don't deserve a second chance. I know you hated the rules and you wanted to run." He confessed. "I made you fear me. I…I lost my temper because I thought I lost you to the darkness and the drink, and everything else. I want you back because I cherished you, I truly do despite how many times you refused. If your place is dark, then...let me walk with you until it's dark. I don't think it would be so bad."

And anyway, the bar is the only place where they offer the strongest drink, so reluctantly, he's trying and attempt to tug Wei Wuxian back to the bar.

"Come back and let's go back. I'll take it all back if only you will."

[scaredofdogs]

Wei Wuxian shakes his head. He no longer wants to go in that place. Lan Wangji dumped his drink, accused him of wasting his life because of it. The last thing he wanted was to go back in there.

"You should go take care of your hand, Hanguang-Jun. You don't need to be drinking with a selfish fool."

Lan Wangji's words when he yelled hurt. And perhaps they hurt more because of who they came from. If it had been anyone else he would have shrugged it off, smiled and found a way to forget. But this is the one person whose words he takes to heart.

"Apologies can come another time. I..am not mad at you. Everything is my fault and I know it. But I can't just smile and shake it off right now."

He would like to but he needs to do some soul searching first. And the one thing he can't do is pretend everything is fine in front of Lan Wangji.

[inquiryguqin]

At his offer of a second chance, he's being rejected. Yet again. It's a feeling he was used to, accustomed to, an old pain that he knows so well. He hurt him and said things that he shouldn't have said and he can't take it back.

"Wei Ying..."

Heaving a sigh, seeing this is a time they have to part yet again to do some soul searching, and be apart to be alone again, and let him go.

"All right."

But then a pause, "Thank you for your help. When I lost my voice. Now I wish..." He hasn't said anything at all. All because he's jealous of him choosing the drink over him. "That you let me in as I have let you in."

Unable to stay any longer, tire of arguing with him and fighting with him, he turns to take his leave to give his friend some space, freedom, and reprieve of him.

[scaredofdogs]

The more Lan Wangji says, the more the stake in his heart gets pushed in. He's too broken at this moment to say anything more. Anything he says will just make things worse.

And so he starts walking. To where..he doesn't know. But he needs air. He needs space. He needs a chance to clear his head. None of which will happen in this spot. He wished there was a roof he could climb on top of so he could stare up at the stars and forget everything.

But that isn't possible here. So instead he just walks. He doesn't go back to his room. He has spent too much time in that place lately. He goes around the hotel, never actually seeing where he is going but rather just walking aimlessly as he tries to clear his head.

Eventually he will give up and return to his room, living in seclusion until he can gain the mental and physical strength to move on. Sometimes a haunting flute sound can be heard through the halls of the hotel as Wei Wuxian finds a quiet place to play. Sometimes he meditates and tries to find answers through silence. And sometimes he simply lays in bed and lets his emotions drain onto his pillow.

He will heal..in time.