angryhearts | you want to hear it? well

Entry tags:

mo dao zu shi: wei wuxian

you want to hear it? well —

ONLY, MY SECRET'S MINE, AND I WON'T TELL

The garden may no longer be available upon return to the hotel, but there is still a bustle of energy. How fortunate all the Oysters are, to reside in such a renowned place! It's a great honor for those in Wonderland to be granted opportunity to teach their skills or ply their trade here, and the Queen permits only the best. Hotel staff themselves seem to delight in the presence of the traveling merchants. Many trade teas or favors for enchanted items, and will eagerly discuss their purchases. "Oh, it happens regularly enough," they will say if asked, "but you never know if the merchant you liked or the item you eyed will be back next time!"

The talk lingers after the guest instructors and merchants have departed, but it isn't the only thing left behind. Glimmers of green may catch your eye, tucked away in hidden places that seem almost impossible to reach without drawing attention to yourself. Those who manage it will find a scrap of heavy paper with a drawing of a stylized caterpillar, a series of numbers, and the words call a friend.

Are you curious enough to input the numbers into your Empathy? It will ring, if you do, until an answering machine picks up and asks a single question — How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail? Do you dare leave a message? What will it be? Whatever you decide, the call will disconnect after a few minutes. It seems the only thing you can do now is wait for a call back.

But of course, the hotel is not in the habit of allowing such a thing as idle waiting. Her Royal Highness has noticed that some of her beloved Oysters seem quite reluctant to partake of the many splendors that the hotel provides, and she will be offering a special treat — indulgence.

QUEEN'S GAMES
8/12 - 8/22

What's more fun to indulge in than a little healthy competition? It's time for the Queen's Games, a truly dazzling spectacle. Competitors come from all over Wonderland, and this year for the first time ever, Oysters are invited to join! Announcements for the games schedule will be posted all throughout the hotel, along with directions on how to register to join.

The games will be held in either the pool area or the gym, which seems to have expanded to accommodate the number of spectators. Available games include:

archery
chess
croquet
artistic swimming
diving
gymnastics
flamingo flying
ice skating
ice sculptures

Of course, even the games that Oysters are familiar with may not be quite the same. Chess in Wonderland is a team sport, for example, with each member of the team filling a role as a chess piece and a coach as a strategist directing the plays. Attempting to capture one of the other team's pieces includes having to successfully win a fight against them. Gymnastics and diving competitors include growing and shrinking in size to their routines, ice sculptures come to life when they've been completed, artistic swimmers and ice skaters change costumes and swap partners in the blink of an eye.

If they're lucky, Oysters may find one of the competitors willing to show them the ropes. If they're even luckier, or more persistent, there may be a spot or two open on one of the teams that Oysters can slot themselves into. For the most part, team members will be delighted to have Oysters there.

"You all just feel so much," one may say, sounding a little awed.

"Show off those emotions, it'll get us points," another will add.

Although competitors are friendly, with Osyters and with each other, it's clear that most of them are here to win. Rivalries may flare up throughout the month, ex-lovers may be reunited and broken up again, infighting may spark among the teams — all things that can be soothed or exacerbated, for Oysters who may have inclinations towards utilizing such things to increase their chances of winning.

Or to fan the flames of drama for its own sake.

THE CALL
8/16

Starting in the early morning hours and continuing late into the night, any who left a message will get a call back.

Those who completed the poem will be greeted immediately by a friendly male voice, with an apology for the delay. "Ugh, our lines are backed up like crazy," the caller will say. "Where are you reporting in from?"

Those who somehow identified themselves as an Oyster, as residing in the hotel, from off world, being held by the Queen, or otherwise potentially against the Queen, will have their call returned by a cold female voice, guarded and wary.

"Show me your Oyster mark," the caller will request. "We can't risk giving you anything without proof."

Regardless of which caller contacts them, anyone who cooperates will receive similar information.

The friendly caller will readily provide assurances that the resistance base was not found, despite Mad March and the Order's attempt at reconnaissance in the old kingdom.

"Can't say much more than that over these channels, you know, but worry not! Everyone is safe. We have a follow up from the last mission — sorry about the air conditioning, you know, couldn't be helped — you ready for this? Keycodes. Access keycodes. Didn't get more than a handful, of course, and the intel is vague about what they access. Are we glad to get your call! How about it, you ready to try one out and see what information you can get?"

The guarded caller will allude to the Order not being able to find what they wanted out in the ruins.

"Did you think they took you out there to show you the sights? They're looking for us, obviously. No I'm not going to tell you more than that — just because you're an Oyster doesn't mean we can completely trust you. All right, look. Last time we broke into the hotel, we recovered a few access codes. We had to get out of there before we could find out what they accessed. How about a trade? We give you the code, you call us back and tell us what you find."

INDULGENCE
8/13 - 8/23

Throughout the event, there will be a number of activities available alongside the games designed to encourage unwinding. A concert set up in the hotel lobby will kick off the start of the games, at which indulgence teas will be made available for the first time. They will continue to be served readily at all hours of the day. Enhanced spa facilities will be made available as well — dazzling pedicures and manicures with nail polish that can do anything from change colors based on your mood to emit light so bright it can function as a flashlight; makeup that gives you a kiss that will literally stun the recipient; aromatherapy that will cure any kind of hangover; oils that double as aphrodisiacs, for those interested; healing massages that will take away your aches and pains, wiping away any bruises or injuries with no questions asked. A clean slate, ready to indulge again.

Then, of course, there are the less official activities. Whispers will begin to spread about another kind of competition being run after hours, when all good competitors should be sleeping. No one quite knows who's running it — one person heard it was the coach of one of the chess teams, eager to get her players extra practice; another heard it was one of the chess players themselves; still another will say it is an ice skater, a flamingo pilot, a gymnast. After all, it hardly matters, does it, as long as it runs, and there is a fight every night? Oysters are welcomed into this competition as well, where the only rule is not to kill your opponent. Teas of all kinds exchange hands as bets are placed on the fights, and the champion is rumored to receive a truly spectacular prize.

If fighting is not to your speed, fear not. All of the competitors seem to have different ways to unwind after the games are completed for the day, and all are happy to allow Oysters to indulge in attending the various get-togethers and parties they host. The knight on one of the chess teams has the most renowned wine collection, and he's brought some of his finest with him to be enjoyed alongside cheeses and poetry. One of the swimmers is a passionate musician, and has recruited anyone who can play an instrument to discuss musical theory and play together. A croquet player is known for hosting the wildest parties, with free-flowing moonshine and sips of ecstacy tea readily available. There is a flamingo pilot with a book club, an archer who is a fabulous chef, a diver who is a skilled debater with a wicked tongue — whatever you like to indulge in, chances are, someone's throwing a party for it.

The games will end on the 23rd, with a roaring celebration of all who participated in the competition. The pool area will be taken over for the farewell party, with music, food, alcohol, and dancing available. It is here that the winners of the competitions will be announced, and prizes will be awarded.

If you have any questions, please leave them over here! Results for the access code sign ups and the distractions will go out on the 14th, so players have until then to sign up. Characters can use the keycodes to access areas and cause distractions from the 16th through the 23rd — and beyond, but after the final party they may no longer have an easy excuse. If you wish to have your character compete in one of the competitions for the prizes, you can sign up here! Winners will be RNGed.

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS PLAYER CONTACT

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Honestly if Lan Wangji has to hear the name March one more time, he might go right up to the rabbit and rip the damn thing's head off himself.

And - it didn't help that Wei Ying was the only one that March seemed to want to help, and that he was rude to just about everyone else. Made it seem like he knew, going down with Xichen, that there was a good probability that the talisman had belonged to Wei Ying.

Today only seemed to cement that idea, that for some reason, Mad March liked Wei Ying or really, really wanted him to think he did.

He looks his husband in the eyes and shakes his head. "No injuries." But he looks so... nervous, and worried, that Lan Wangji has to take a breath and ask: "Is it my appearance?"

His little antennae are floating as if on a gentle current, irises slowly sharpening into catlike ones as his sclera starts to form. His fingers, usually long and tapered, grow into claws as he accidentally lets slip his guard for a moment; there's something grotesque about him.

No injuries is a relief. Wei Wuxian knows himself to be someone who has difficulty hiding such things, but Lan Wangji? I-can-hike-for-miles-and-fight-a-giant-evil-turtle-snake-on-a-broken-leg-Lan-Wangji? Luckily, lying is forbidden, so he takes it as face value.

"Your... oh- what? No, I mean-" how can he say it both is and isn't what he was troubled over? Just because he looked wilder, more animalistic, it didn't mean he was any less Lan Wangji.

"It's not that. It's- Lan Zhan is Lan Zhan," he means it to be reassuring, one hand moving to his face, to gently trace the pearlescent scales.

"Just... worrying over nothing, I guess. So much going on lately, you know?"

It does help that his body is part dragon now, and therefore, harder to harm. Plus, he doesn't need to breathe, doesn't need to have so much upkeep. He hadn't felt hungry or thirsty since gaining this form, which would have been very useful before.

"Mm," he answers, and doesn't press because he trusts Wei Ying. He holds his husband closer now that he's sure he doesn't mind the look, and just stays in his shared space. There's no kiss coming, just gentle rubbing of thumbs into the small of Wei Ying's back.

"We are going to be married," he reminds Wei Ying. "You can tell me anything." That wasn't a prerequisite for Wei Ying to place all his burdens on Lan Wangji, but he always knew that Wei Ying didn't feel comfortable sharing everything. He can now.

If Lan Wangji were any less the perfect, doting, attentive, and gentle human being that he was, it might be easier to talk, but he's not, and of course, he wouldn't be Lan Wangji if he were any less than perfect.

So, it's little surprise that he notices Wei Wuxian's reticence right away.

"I just..." he starts, dropping his hands and his gaze down, fiddling with Lan Zhan's collars instead, straightening some imaginary wrinkle.

"If things were reversed; if I was the one missing... I just- Wonder how Lan Zhan might have a hard time," he swallows. He's never been good with subtlety, always cutting straight to the point in a conversation, but here, he's not at all sure how to express himself.

"Don't think like that," he says, refusing to move to a slightly more comfortable talking distance. "We can support the other Lan Wangji while his Wei Ying is gone, but I never want to imagine my life without you."

If he could still feel Lan Wangji's love, it would wrap around him like a vice, and hold on protectively, possessively. Instead, he caresses his wings around Wei Ying to make sort of a protective shell, as if he might slip away otherwise.

It was difficult with the other one being gone, and Lan Wangji feeling sad, but also feeling even more like he had something to prove, like he never wanted to even be a minute without Wei Ying. It gives him no time to grieve, or to think about anything else, so he does not.

"Don't think, don't think," he shakes his head, just that handful of words enough to bring back the other day in full clarity. Why didn't either of these Lan Wangji want him to think?!

"I don't have to think like it, I saw it, firsthand..." he explains, wanting nothing more than to lean into the gentle way Lan Wangji holds him, but he's too tense and more than a little guilt-ridden to allow himself to.

"...how much I hurt you."

Seeing Lan Wangji so distraught, he'd only remembered flashes of, from a cliff's ledge before. To have experienced it in full, the crushing weight his absence caused, it was a heavy weight to reconcile. His fingers still, resting lightly on Lan Wangji's collar, and though he feels the brush of wings around him, he doesn't look up.

"Lan Zhan would know, better than anyone, so... how should I support him?"

Because whenever Wei Ying thought too hard, it lead to disastrous results, that's why. And Wei Ying was always thinking too hard. He does understand, because he'd hurt for sixteen years and had been prepared to hurt for an entire lifetime. "Just being there is enough," he responds, easily.

After all, when Wei Ying had come back, it had been enough just for him to let Lan Wangji into his life. To let him help. Not to push him away again.

He runs his fingers through Wei Ying's hair. Not thinking that Wei Ying would ever return from the grave had been the worst thing to happen, and that had hurt him. Not to hear from Wei Ying, not to know if his words got to him, the last memory of him being the one where he'd desperately tried to pull him up and Wei Ying had, in a moment of panic thinking he might pull both of them to their deaths, wrested himself away.

He thinks about it now and clutches Wei Ying tighter, unwilling to let him go. It's not something that will ever fully heal.

Is it really enough? He and the other Lan Wangji had been friends, easily enough, but the line had always been drawn at that. It wasn't until recently, as these indulgent teas were introduced, that he'd seemed to change, and Wei Wuxian had certainly considered that could be at least partially to blame. Though he'd witnessed Lan Zhan's despair, he couldn't tell the man how to grieve, or how to cope. After tragedy after tragedy in his past life, he knew that everyone dealt with their grief differently, and if being there helped, he'd do what he could.

"I tried, but... I think I must've done something wrong," he swallows thickly, and leans his head on his Lan Zhan's shoulder, letting himself be held and feeling entirely unworthy of its comfort.

It would be enough for him, as he'd spent most of the last few months holding the other Wei Ying's hand and just being near him. But then he wonders if there isn't a specific incident that Wei Ying is so casually referring to.

Of course he would bring it up like this.

"What do you mean?" he asks, because he doesn't know what happened and he thinks that Wei Ying will need some help to elaborate since this is clearly not something he wants to talk about. Clearly.

His husband is a menace, and Lan Wangji will try to exercise patience.

"Lan Zhan was... heartbroken," he shakes his head, pulling back slightly as he does so. Much as he doesn't want to think about it, seeing how broken he looked, how helpless, how could he not try to do something?

"So, I held onto him for a while," he admits, "and I was trying to tell him it would be okay, because- because when Shijie disappeared, I- but then he sorta... kissed me?"

Once the words start coming, it's hard to stop them, having built up for a little while now. He just hopes Lan Zhan won't be too angry with him, now that he knows.

"And I thought he was just- I mean- upset, right? Because of course he was upset, so I didn't think he meant anything by it, because what if I went missing and only my soul-twin was here? I couldn't blame you for wanting to be close to him, it'd be a million times better than being so... so inconsolable. I'd want you to be happy and- but then he was saying that he cared about me like that too, I think? And... I didn't really know what to say, so he said not to think about it, but Lan Zhan, you know you can't say that and really think I won't stop thinking about it," he holds himself quite still, and tries to resist the urge to fidget or bolt or maybe just disintegrate on the spot. There's a beat before he can even make himself look up, to see Lan Zhan's reaction.

A lot of things play on his face. He cycles through emotions from shocked to upset to jealous to upset again. "He... kissed you?" he asks, after a long pregnant pause, the only thing he says for a moment.

Because, if his Wei Ying were to have been the one to disappear - he would have been sad, but. He wouldn't have kissed the other one.

When he'd showed up in this hotel alone, the thought hadn't crossed his mind. And then Wei Ying showed up, and he'd told the other one - they had to set boundaries, that he wouldn't do anything that would possibly hurt his Wei Ying.

Yet, Lan Wangji - he'd agreed to the other Wei Ying, hadn't he? That he could see this one. He'd probably assumed they did things like kiss all the time. He takes a deep, heavily annoyed breath.

Lan Zhan doesn't push him away, but neither does he try to hold him, and Wei Wuxian catches just enough of the angry looks crossing his pristine features to worry. It was exactly what he'd hoped to avoid, in fact, and he didn't even have to look, he could hear the frustration apparent even in his breath.

Wei Wuxian would almost rather he was struck. At least when he fought with Jiang Cheng or was disciplined by Madam Yu, it was over with quickly, and they could all move on. He didn't feel the need to make excuses, hated the idea that he might get someone else in trouble, even if it was Lan Zhan's own soul-twin, but trying to take the blame on himself, as he would in any other scenario, would only serve to hurt his own Lan Zhan all the more.

"I... yes," he says truthfully, "but- but I'm sure he just- had his own Wei Wuxian in mind."

Whatever he might've said, it was hard to take at face value, especially when he'd been so close to a breakdown. Of course he missed his Wei Ying, and here he was, the nearest warm body that wore the same face. He'd probably done just as much harm as comfort.

"I'm sorry," his hands fidget nervously, and he much prefers to look down at them, than try to meet Lan Wangji's eyes. He's never had an easy time saying it, but if anyone deserves to hear it, it's Lan Zhan, "I'm so sorry."

He doesn't know what else to say. It seems too selfish to beg him not to be angry, despite how he might want to. Excuses that he didn't know it would happen, that he hadn't meant to lead the other on just seem hollow. More than anything, he worries he might have messed this up, gone a step too far, made Lan Zhan realize it'd all been a mistake.

It strikes him in the heart, because it isn't like Wei Ying had cheated on him, and from his reaction it seems like he hadn't even been the intended recipient of the kiss. Lan Wangji was warned that the other one seemed to like to kiss without notifying his partner. Thankfully, the other Wei Ying was the complete opposite in that regard, or they would've already had this conversation, but in reverse.

He takes a deep breath, and tries to argue with the rational part of his brain, which knows that Wei Ying loves him, loves this instance of him, has told him that he and the other one are just friends, that this was a surprise. But he feels guilty, too, because he and the other Wei Ying are not just friends, and he's personally found a hard time trying to explain to Wei Ying that he loves both of them, but to trust him when he says that this one comes first.

Because he'd worried, hadn't he? When he'd proposed. And then after. And then several times after that. He was worrying now, wasn't he?

"Wei Ying. At night, you come to my room, to my Cloud Recesses. That is the one you remember. That is the one you will return to, when we go home," he starts. "I am the one you will spend the rest of your life with. Is that what you wish?"

Lan Zhan is prone to long silences, pausing to collect his thoughts before speaking, rather than saying nearly everything that pops into his head, like Wei Wuxian. He reminds himself of that, as he waits for a response, and tries not to let his thoughts spiral.

"Mm," he nods, and tries to push aside the thoughts that tell him he's given Lan Zhan reason to doubt that in the first place. His thoughts might be fickle at times, but his heart isn't.

"That's what I want."

He listens for Wei Ying's response, and he knows, in his heart, even if he always says what comes to mind first, that he isn't lying. And so, he nods, because... partially one of the reasons that he is upset at all is because he naturally assumes that Wei Ying is in love with the other Lan Wangji. It makes sense, doesn't it? They share a soul, and the other Wei Ying loves him. It seems all four of them are in this together, shouldn't he be relieved?

"Mn," he responds, brushing Wei Ying's hair away from his face. "He has the same heart and the same soul that I have," he resolves. So naturally it would follow that he would love Wei Ying as Lan Wangji does. And honestly, could Lan Wangji really fault anyone for falling in love with Wei Ying? He could maybe fault someone for acting on it.

"How do you feel?" he asks, because that seems like an important thing that Wei Ying never actually asks himself.

When Lan Zhan approaches, brushing his hair back with claw-like fingers, he wants to cling to it, like a lifeline, feeling a wave of relief at the gesture. He does so, if tentatively, holding Lan Wangji's hand in both of his and squeezing lightly.

Hadn't they thought of their doubles as having the same soul? Even if their experiences differed, what was inside remained. He might get irritated at times, with his own soul-twin, and he'd known, just as well, it was exactly because they were so similar, right down to their frustrating habits.

"I do care about him, he's... he's Lan Zhan, after all," he starts. It would be much stranger if he didn't care for the man at all. When Wei Wuxian had finally gathered enough courage to tell his Lan Zhan what was in his heart, hadn't he said that no matter where they ended up or whatever lifetime it might be, Wei Wuxian couldn't imagine one where he didn't love Lan Wangji.

"But he's not you," it's hard to think that someone as perfect and accomplished as Lan Zhan could still feel insecure, and after everything Lan Zhan has done and all the ways he's supported him, how could he ever want him to feel that way?

Lan Zhan's double had asked him more or less the same thing, and he hadn't had an answer then. Despite thinking on it almost constantly since, he wasn't sure he had one now, either. He knew he cared about the other Lan Zhan, but...

"I didn't think he felt like... I thought we were just friends? He has his own Wei Wuxian, from his own world, why would he want me?"

Wei Ying holds his hand and it feels like the softest gesture in the world. After all, his claws are hideous, and they're once again in this odd spot they keep finding themselves in, where they're not sure where they belong with each other.

But it is enough for him, that Wei Ying chooses him, chooses to be with him, is upset enough over being kissed by someone else that he would tell Lan Wangji. Isn't it? In the same way that he hasn't asked Wei Ying about the other one for fear of hurting him, Wei Ying is afraid of hurting him, out of love for him. Out of fear of losing him, of giving him something in the back of his mind that he might continue to pick at, that might be irrevocable.

It shouldn't be that way. He knows, he belongs fully to Wei Ying, this Wei Ying. And so he should trust, it's the same.

"You have Wei Ying's spirit," he responds, after a moment. "You have Wei Ying's smile." And his laugh, and his eyes, and his body language. They might have been different in small ways, but in all the big important ones, and in all the small details lovers know each other best, they are the same. They both like to drape over Lan Wangji, both like to toy with him, both can get so very flustered mentioning dirty or excessively romantic things. They like to be held close. They like to tug on sleeves, and play with the headband, and hold hands just so.

Lan Zhan hasn't tried to pull back, hasn't tried to break the distance between them, and he takes that as a good sign, his hands caressing Lan Wangji's gently as he holds it. Wei Wuxian draws it closer, against his cheek, trying to encourage, to make sure Lan Zhan knows how much he wants this, wants him.

It wasn't as if this was a moral dilemma he ever thought he'd be facing, wondering whether or not he ought to be in competition with himself, more or less. Or making his husband feel like he was in some sort of competition with his other self. If Lan Zhan knew such things because he was close to his soul-twin, just as he'd grown to be friends with the other Lan Wangji. He might have once felt jealous, but seeing how Lan Zhan's soul-twin had been so devastated without the one he loved the most, he knew he'd want his own soul-twin to help mend that wound, to show his Lan Zhan comfort, in whatever form he needed it.

"And Lan Zhan?" he glances up, a small knot of worry between his brows, "How do you feel?"

"You had doubts that you were the Wei Ying I waited for, but I do not," he responds. Because he needs to make that very clear, as Wei Ying had felt on rocky standing, but that was before he could see into Lan Wangji's heart and feel the depth, the reach, the sheer overwhelming mass of his love for Wei Ying. He reaches for that worry between his eyes, and presses a finger there as Wei Ying had gestured towards his nose once.

"I love all Wei Ying, but he is not you," he repeats. "I chose you. And I will choose you every time." Which, honestly, probably the most shocking thing about the kiss, but he also doesn't regularly kiss Wei Ying while he's blindfolded and against his permission either. If Wei Ying has asked if he kissed the other one, he can at least truthfully explain that it was because he was a rabbit.

It's also a little rude to say because they don't know if the other one is gone forever - it would break Lan Wangji's heart, but at least, now, he feels liberated to grieve.

In either case, he probably should have told Wei Ying earlier, which is the story of his life, but at least they can have an honest conversation about it, except the part where his soul twin already asked for permission and this misunderstanding is probably what started this entire situation that has Lan Wangji so incensed.

His doubts might have been misplaced, due in great part to how very little he knew and how behind he felt. It left him with half-remembered dreams of his past life and hardly anything of this one, but he couldn't possibly doubt how Lan Zhan feels about him. He might fall into uneasiness or feel as if he's let his husband down, especially now, but the reassurance of his words and the soft echo of Shijie's comforting gesture eases his anxiety.

Hearing Lan Zhan use a word so strong as love for both Wei Wuxian and his soul-twin might have once made him jealous or unsettled, but now it feels a comfort, to hear that he's still the one Lan Zhan will choose, and something of a relief, to know that no matter the Wei Wuxian, he'll bring Lan Zhan some happiness. Maybe he'll have to think on it deeper than that, sort through it, but for now, it feels like enough.

All that remains then, he supposes, is talking to Lan Zhan's soul-twin. He must feel similarly, wouldn't he? To feel love for both Wei Wuxian here, but the one from his world would be the one closest to his heart. What of the kiss then? A moment of weakness? His way of coping with his own Wei Wuxian being missing? Part of him wants to ask, if Lan Zhan would act the same if the circumstances were switched, but he can't quite bring himself to ask.

"Then... you're not mad?" he asks tentatively, stepping closer so he can wrap his arms around Lan Zhan's neck, resting his head on his shoulder.

He understands, and it's partially the reason he hadn't said anything to Wei Ying even though it pained his soul twin for him to keep quiet. But he won't risk losing this Wei Ying, won't risk sowing seeds of doubt into his mind. "If I am angry at anyone, it is myself and the other Wangji."

He reaches for Wei Ying's hair, carding his fingers through, kissing his crown, holding him tightly.

"He did not ask you," he explains. Even if he thought that Wei Ying assumed that it was alright to kiss the other Lan Wangji, he should have at least asked first, talked to him about it.

And, okay, it's not like he asked the first time he'd kissed Wei Ying, but he'd waited there so long that he'd thought he might qi deviate if he had to stay there any longer without kissing him. He makes no comment over why he's mad at himself.

Understanding why Lan Zhan would be upset with his other self isn't difficult. But when he says he's angry at himself too, Wei Wuxian huffs out a sigh, unwilling to move, now that most of this has been settled. Lan Zhan's fingers running through his hair feels too good, and he's weak to these little shows of affection.

"Why yourself? You haven't done anything, Lan Zhan. You can't get upset with yourself over hypotheticals," he shakes his head faintly, amused, as he holds him a little tighter.

"Well, no, but... Why? You think you would have done the same?"

Was that it? If so, wasn't it all the more reason to be lenient with his other self?

He shakes his head. "If you disappeared, I would wait for you." But he should probably explain some more... "The other Wei Ying asked the other Wangji if it was alright that." Well, this is the most awkward thing he's had to say. This is where, if he was writing this, he'd have an accidental dot. "That he loves me."

A beat. "I think that has given Wangji the wrong impression about what we have done. And of the extent of what you and I have discussed and permitted." So, kind of it's a little bit his fault. But the other two were just somewhere else in their relationship development, so they were just... fast.

Not that this Lan Wangji waited at all to jump straight into marriage from sex from a kiss, all without even having made a single confession - they were just all out of sorts, these two. Perhaps they should have stuck to the order of events that generally happened, that have been proven to work for most couples. But they are also not most couples.

He expects now that Wei Ying has leeway to be the one who is a little mad.

Wei Wuxian was trying to make it make sense, really. But he also just wanted to let Lan Zhan play with his hair and maybe drink enough to forget some of the last few days. He squeezes Lan Zhan a little tighter, hearing he would wait for him though, and coming from a ma who's waited the better part of two decades, he can't help feeling there's plenty of weight to it.

The rest was... okay maybe he couldn't blame his other self for loving every Lan Wangji he saw, but that didn't mean he didn't feel a twinge of jealousy thinking about it.

"So he thought you already... with... the other Wei Wuxian?"

Kissed? He meant kissed, right? But if he'd reacted more favorably to the other Lan Zhan's impromptu kiss, would it have led somewhere else from there? And...

It's not like it was an unheard of practice; Jin Guangshan sat on the far other end of things, married and still flaunting all the other women he bedded. When he'd considered Lan Zhan as his soulmate, then, it was because he didn't think there was another soul who knew his own so well, and he hoped the same was true in return. But if the other who loved him was... well... also him?

Could he really say something like, I want you to look at only me, when he'd not even realized the other Lan Zhan saw no issue in pursuing him just as readily as the one from his world? He wasn't sure he could even bring himself to ask whether anything had happened between Lan Zhan and the other version of Wei Wuxian. Partly worried to hear the answer, and partly because he could feel the weight of his own hypocrisy in even asking.

"Why did you have to be so perfect?" he mumbles into Lan Zhan's shoulder, "of course he loves you."

When he says "with" the other Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji winces just the slightest. Which is a lot, because he didn't even wince when Lan Qiren beat him with the punishment stick. And Wei Ying knows exactly how much that one hurt.

It really wasn't an unheard of practice at all, particularly in Qinghe - Mingjue and Huaisang were half-brothers after all, but as far as Wangji knew, their mothers got along just fine, because as long as both boys were cared for and in high standing, neither passed up for the other's ambitions (and Nie Huaisang was, by his nature, neither ambitious nor competitive with his brother), and their mothers had nothing to quibble about. It wasn't like with Jin Guangshan, who ignored his sons, who forgot his daughters' existences, who made his own bastard son bear the title of "Guang" just so that he could not compete with those in his actual generation who bore the title of "Zi" instead.

There was, of course, nothing of the sort for the Lans and the Jiangs. Marriage was one of the most important relationships for Lans, superseded only by a relationship between a parent and a child, or that of a sibling. Even then, Lan An had chosen his love over his cultivation, over the entire sect, in the end. And so, extramarital affairs were not really a thing in the Cloud Recesses. And so, it would pain him to hurt the other Wei Ying, but if they did not want to reach an understanding the way the Nies do, then all four of them already knew their choices.

Wei Ying doesn't even seem to be mad, or jealous, or anything, and Lan Wangji feels relieved. He has his hand in Wei Ying's hair, and it's not like he can read Wei Ying's mind, but he knows it must weigh on his heart. And so, after a brief pause, he says: "Mm. But we have an agreement to be strictly friendly, since you, and the other me, did not know." And therefore, couldn't have a say. Because, when was he supposed to bring this up?

He does suddenly grow serious, as he says: "Wei Ying. If something is to happen to me here... I want them to take care of you." He doesn't want Wei Ying to have to be alone. And when Lan Wangji had left for those few days and he didn't feel right inviting the other Wei Ying to come stay in Cloud Recesses with them to be less lonely, it made him feel terrible. So he wants Wei Ying to know, in that case, he would be alright if he'd want to go live in the other Cloud Recesses, or the other Lotus Pier.

ONLY, MY SECRET'S MINE, AND I WON'T TELL

QUEEN'S GAMES 8/12 - 8/22

THE CALL 8/16

INDULGENCE 8/13 - 8/23

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QUEEN'S GAMES
8/12 - 8/22

THE CALL
8/16

INDULGENCE
8/13 - 8/23