angryhearts | Lust, forgetful of future suffering, hurries us along the forbidden path

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Lust, forgetful of future suffering, hurries us along the forbidden path

WHO: Wei Wuxian (novel) and You!

WHAT: Wei Wuxian has been given a lust tea..no one shall be spared!

WHEN: After the event ends for a week

WHERE: All around the hotel

NOTES: Content warnings: He's lustful..depending on who he encounters, things could get spicey. Feel free to meet him and give him a good slap if he gets too feely, or feel free to treat him to a drink to fulfill that need for company! And then tell him to get lost...

Wei Wuxian was glad he could see again. Being blind had been rather inconvenient, even if it could have been much worse. He's pretty sure not being able to talk would have been a much bigger inconvenience for him personally. So in a way he was thankful. He had also discovered several new parts of the building that he would have to find again, now that he could actually see what they looked like.

But when it was all over, there was an empty jar left in his room. He couldn't quite understand it at the time because it simply had a note from the lady of the hotel and the word "LUST" written on it. He just figured it was a unique gift and had set it aside as a decorative piece. But then later that day the feelings started and he realized that the hotel might be playing another trick on him. He hadn't eaten or drunk anything yet so he knew that it wasn't because of that.

He couldn't quite put his finger on it yet, but something was just a little off about him today. He found himself wanting..everything. Or was it everyone? He wasn't sure but he was going to have to be careful. A sensible person would have stayed in their room and tried to figure out what was going on, but Wei Wuxian could not stay contained in one spot for too long. So he was wandering the hallways.

All he knew was that he wanted food, drink and company in the worst way...

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Wei Wuxian quirks his eyebrow a little. "Lan Zhan...it kind of sounds like you're the one who isn't satisfied. Is there something you want?" He tries to play it off as an innocent question. Clearly amused by the thought that perhaps Lan Wangji is the one doing the lusting right now.

Lan Wangji thought about it and think it thoroughly. Even though it's an innocent question, to him it's more than just lust. It seems Wei Wuxian has no idea how much it meant to him.

"There is. You. I want you. Do you like me to give back to you in return? You...what you gave to me, there's no going back at this point."

To make himself clear, Lan Wangji is nervous. "In my sect, we believe it's significant to share ourselves in intimacy by fate. So what we share is very special."

If only Lan Wangji could remember all the things he's done to him when he as drunk..he'd realize that there has already been a couple intimate moments.

"You want to do what I did to you? If you want to do it then I won't turn it down."

He still has the lust potion in him and he still lusts after Lan Wangji regardless. It would be dumb of him to turn down this opportunity. All the other times he's tried things the other man had been drunk, unwilling. Wei Wuxian had taken advantage of that and perhaps he saw this as a means of making up for some of that.

He cares for Lan Wangji. It has taken him a lot of fighting with himself to accept it, but he knows that it is true. He doesn't necessarily trust that all of this isn't being spurred on because of the lust potion since it is possible that it has passed itself to Lan Wangji as well. Part of him doesn't trust anything until they actually decide to be together when there is no chance of either one being afflicted with something.

Lan Wangji wonders how long the effects of the lust tea will course through his body. That one act isn't enough to satisfy him. He is wondering if more is required. He wanted to demonstrate how much he cares for Wei Wuxian and prove it. For now, Wei Wuxian is laying on his stomach on the bed, which is perfect.

"First, stay like that. On your stomach." He took a moment to look into the cabinet and finds a bottle of perfumed lotion. "I'm going to give you a massage. If you like one."

Squeezing the bottle, he sat on his side, rubbing his hands together, and gives his back a rub to loosen the knots, minding the pressure he applies on his shoulders and back to loosen him up.

"Would anyone turn down a massage?" He flattens onto his stomach and hums contently as Lan Wangji massages over his muscles.

He hadn't been sore but that doesn't mean a massage doesn't feel good regardless. He's not sure why this is the activity that Lan Wangji wanted to do but he certainly isn't complaining.

It's more to see if Wei Wuxian trusts him, and he wants to gradually build up to his touch and other senses. Through massage, he can loosen him up energies and read his meridians to balance out the yin/yang energy and flush out the lust tea.

As he massages him, being mindful of his strength, he does so softly by applying pressure and loosen up knots to make him feel better.

"Be mindful of what you eat and drink." He said, as his hands feel over the shape of his body, memorizing the map of him with his hands, and put Wei Wuxian in a more relaxed state.

"It's not like I can tell what is bad food and what is good food! Well..except when they label things. I guess they do tend to label things."

He didn't even really drink the potion. It just kind of appeared and then he started to feel it. He'll know better from this point on. Nothing in this place can be trusted..not even his own bedroom.

Even if he did drink it, he would have helped anyway. "Mn. They don't label things."

As he speaks, he continues rubbing his neck, shoulder, and back until he's finished.

"Don't be reckless. And...from now on, if you feel those feelings, let me know. Because I will help you from now on. Accidents happen, I understand you. Now turn around and lay on your back. I'll work on your legs."

He flops over onto his back and puts his hands behind his head as he looks up at Lan Wangji. "Only you? So you don't want me to have those feelings around anyone else?"

He knows that is what the other probably wants but he can't help but want to hear him say it.

With a huff, there's a flash of blush over his pale cheeks to the tip of his ears. He works massaging and stretching his legs, calmly kneading him, even though he has a good view of how handsome he is.

"Yes, I want you to want only me. No, nobody else."

"Mm..that's hard Lan Zhan. You know how much of a flirt I am. Can I really make such a promise?"

He is mostly teasing the other man. He knows how to behave when he has to. It's not like he really wants to flirt with anyone else, but sometimes habits are hard to break. It doesn't mean he will necessarily jump into anyone's bed who smiles at him.

He isn't expecting him to make it easier. All the more reason to give chase and find the fun and challenge.

"Then make no promises. I'll figure out a way to keep you." There's a reason that Lan Wangji relaxed him and have his guard down with massage and lotion.

With the bottle, he slicks his fingers with lotion again, and then very gently, he teased at the cleft of his entrance, touching him where nobody has touch before, circling around his entrance gently, massaging, and then carefully slides one finger inside of him and watches to see his reaction.

And react he does. He yelps in surprise and his body jerks away so much that his head slams into the headboard. He whimpers as he rubs where he just hit, eyes as large as saucers as he stares at the other man in shock.

"L-Lan Zhan! What are you doing?? Where are you putting your finger??" He knows exactly where that finger is but still there are questions and he's not exactly sure how to voice them.

Nothing in the books he read mentioned anything like this.

Suddenly he stops, and he realized he didn't explain anything, and sees his terrified reaction, horrified at himself as to what he has done. His face flushed with shame. Immediately he pulls out and then bows in apology.

"My apologies. I overstep. Wei Ying, I can explain."

He feels his face getting beat red and grabs the pillow so he can cover it. He tries to calm himself down and consider what it is that Lan Wangji had just been about to do to him.

"It's Okay..Lan Zhan..it just surprised me."

A lot. A hell of a lot.

Empathically he felt his shock. "Wei Ying. You're not angry? What I did is wrong and I'm sorry. And are you all right? You hurt your head."

He reaches over to pull the pillow away to see his eyes. Lan Wangji is beat red as he explains.

Taking a deep breath, talking isn't his strong suit. "What happened. I read it in the books. It's one way to give pleasure. It can be enjoyable. There's a hidden spot inside of you where if I can touch it and reach it, it's possible to feel an orgasm. I...lovers do that to each other and aren't we lovers?"

His face is now completely red as well and he pulls that pillow back down to try and cover his face and his ears. Something about hearing Lan Wangji say these things is just as embarrassing as where that finger was just put. This is not how he expected his first time to go. That lust potion can go to hell.

He has never thought about how men would do it. Unlike Mo Xuanyu he had never thought himself to be gay. At least not until now. Now everything is all jumbled in his brain and he barely knows what to do. So far the only thing they had done was a few hidden and drunken kisses. And now suddenly, Wei Wuxian has had his mouth on him...and...a finger..

"We aren't lovers! We've not..we've never.."

Wei Wuxian's flight mechanism is kicking in and he resists the urge to jump out of bed and run out of that room..even naked.

Where he could run and hide? At this point, he doesn't know what to do other than to instinctively wrapped his arms around his waist for a hug while he buries himself in the pillow.

He lifted the pillow up, so he could hear him. "Wei Ying, listen to me. Are you aware of what you did to me? It's what lovers do. And I want you as my lover. In my sect, the things that we did like kissing and what you did to give me pleasure, they are intimate and I take you seriously because I believe you are my fated one."

Lifting up higher, "It doesn't have to be one way and all on you to burden alone. I have feelings for you and only for you, it's true." Being a Lan, they're honest deep to their core and never lie by their virtue.

"Don't hide your handsome face, Wei Ying. Let me see you and...let's not rush things. I'll be happy to talk and then take my leave of you if you want time alone."

Even without the pillow he has other means of hiding at his disposal. They are called hands and they are now planted against his face so that he can't look at the other man. The confessions..he feels his heart trying to leap from his chest because of them. Is he really ready to hear all of this? Can he really believe that this is actually coming from Lan Wangji? He feels like he can't trust anything in this hotel anymore and everything that has occurred in the last few minutes is nothing but a strange trick or illusion that he is trapped inside of. His mind is clearly playing tricks on him. Maybe he ate too much at dinner and this is his body revolting against him...

He doesn't know, but it's too much..and now he has a headache from hitting his head and from trying to wrap his mind around everything. He is so terribly aware of what he did to Lan wangji. He can still taste it! But he didn't realize that the one act would suddenly change everything between them into something so much more.

He had done so many shameless things to this man..but Lan Wangji does one thing to him and suddenly he wants to run away. He feels guilty about it but perhaps he just wasn't ready to accept that Lan Wangji actually really did want those things. He keeps flashing back to that night at the inn when Lan Wangji knocked himself out!! That is the Lan Wangji he knows..the one who can't stand the thought of such a thing with him. Or at least..that is what he used to think..

His hands still over his face, Wei Wuxian is afraid to even speak.. "I just don't know what to say..I'm not sure I'm ready, Lan Zhan..."

Edited 2020-06-04 05:55 (UTC)

He realized the error of his ways and tried to figure out what is happening. Part of him is confused as to why he is like this. But if he isn't ready, then neither is he.

Collecting words to say. "Wei Wuxian. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm being sincere and truthful...I'm sorry. I thought..." He doesn't expect this direction, not at all. For how long he stayed with him, remaining loyal to him.

Seeing his guilt and seeing his face planted in his hands. He sighed, and he figured he isn't helping, and unable to help through his confusion, there's nothing else he could do if he isn't willing to accept.

"All right. Just promise me you'll get washed up. I wanted to do everything with you, and show you how I feel..." But he isn't listening and rather than getting frustrated, he has to let him go.

"I can't forget what happened." He is not in denial. "I'm responsible for what just happened, but I don't want to cause you pain."

Putting on his clothes and his robes. "I'll be taking my leave and leave you alone. If you need me, I'm down the hall." At this point, he's about to get up and take his leave to head toward the door.

Wei Wuxian knows he has upset Lan Wangji but that makes the timing even worse. So despite it all, the last thing he wants is for their first time together to be marred by this. He isn't ready..not emotionally. Not yet. He just got put in this body, just started to understand his own feelings..feelings that are new and confusing to him. He hasn't pined over Lan Wangji in the same way that this man has waited years for him. But it seems he's going to have to wait a little longer because Wei Wuxian will not let their actual first time be tainted by his own insecurities.

"Lan Zhan..I'm sorry.." It's his fault. It always is. His actions at the pool that he couldn't control. Even what he did in this room..he spurred everything to this moment and then slammed the door shut because he realized he knew nothing. He thought it would be a fun quick fling and then everything would return to normal..but Lan Wangji confessed his heart. And that is terrifying.

He lowers his hands but he can't look at the other man. His eyes are on the bed sheets, which he quickly pulls over his naked body, unable to even look at himself. He's causing this man pain again. He always does..and perhaps that just how he's destined to live. He doesn't deserve Lan Wangji's love.

He could put on a smile and lie and draw the man back into his bed. He could make love to him through the night but he'd still be left with the memories of his actions at this point. He can't forget either..not what they did but also not what he feels at this moment. Can he really only be that shameless when the other is drunk? When he knows he won't remember it in the morning? Wei Wuxian..you're a terrible person...

Tears sting the corner of his eyes but he will not let them fall. There is nothing else he can say. The talkative Wei Wuxian..is speechless.

He sat at the edge of the bed and took a few deep breathes to calm himself and cool his passions. He is actually calm about all of this, but he needs calm. Seeing his tears, seeing that he pulled up the sheets, wanting to hide his shame, and not wanting to speak of matters of the heart, which he isn't ready for, not being able to connect that lust and love are interconnected.

"No need to apologize. What makes you think you're underserving? I want...I didn't realize you're..." He stops himself mid-way, realizing they both need some space and time to think this through. He's more worried of causing him more pain, more so than his own honor and now he felt dishonored. "If you're not ready, then that was all. Don't make this complicated or hard on yourself. You're making me worried. If you need more time..."

Another deep breath, realizing a part of Wei Ying wanted to hide. Hide in the dark cave of his mind because he wanted to feel safe, because he's afraid of him, Lan Zhan gradually cooled his passions and he realized there's nothing else he could do.

"I'll go and let you rest. My room is down the hall if you need me and need my help." It was an offer, as he always gives without any expectation in return. "You're my best friend and my confident, and always will be. You mean the world to me." He rose and heads out the door. Only to pause and hesitate when he placed his hand on the doorknob and turns it to open it.

"Wei Wuxian. I have always loved you and only you. I have loved you for years. I won't stop loving you."

It's a good thing Wei Wuxian won't be able to see his face. Even though his expression said nothing, stoic and stony, his heartbeat is slow and steady, and tears stung his eyes. The words he said is the truth he lived by and will happily die for.

Whether Wei Wuxian hears the words and knows it's the truth or not, it does not matter. Because this feeling has been a constant and a pillar.

Wei Wuxian just continues to stare at the sheets. The words he hears are going in, but they aren't necessarily registering quite yet. He's distracted by his thoughts and feelings. He can't just smile and say things are okay because at that moment, he feels overwhelmed and he doesn't know how to push forward until he has time to think.

His fingers tighten on the sheets, he wished he could make this right but he can't. Not yet anyway. He will make it up to Lan Wangji in the future once he has been able to sort things out.

Unlike Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian's emotions are on his face. He wears them like he wears clothing. Always showing, always readable..and right now his expression shows just how unwell he is.

"Good Night, Lan Wangji." The use of the man's courtesy name is unconscious. Perhaps needing to put that boundary up for now until he can get his bearings again. He doesn't even realize he did it.

Reluctantly he turns the doorknob, opening the door, and already feeling the heavy emotional toll of being in this world, from their friendship, and how strongly connected their lives become intertwined.

He didn't want to leave him, but like the many arguments they had before, Wei Wuxian's stubbornness tires him out and Lan Wangji, in his pride, believes in mending and fixing whatever means, but he intuitively figured when to give up and surrender.

"Good night, Wei Ying. Be gentle on yourself." And the door gently closed shut.

After the door closes, Wei Wuxian collapses onto the bed as if all the energy has left his body and he can't possibly hold himself up any longer. He starts to tremble and he wraps his arms around himself to try and stop it.

Too fast..it was all just too fast..This world likes to push ones boundaries..to warp their senses and their bodies and their emotions. And Wei Wuxian is a literal cornucopia of emotional turmoil. The hotel is enjoying a buffet tonight, as its lust potion leaves it's host as a shell of a person.

The tears that now flow freely onto his pillow are a combination of many of those emotions. He's angry at himself for hurting Lan Wangji. For bringing him to this point and then pushing him away. He knows how upset that man was and he did nothing to fix it. He simply let him leave, unable to do or say anything to fix it. He's also angry for his weakness. His inability to properly convey his feelings or even understand them in the first place.

Did he also care for Lan Wangji in that way? The man used the world 'love' but is that even possible for Wei Wuxian? Every person he has ever loved has been taken from him. The only family he ever knew. His Senior Sister. Even Jiang Cheng is lost from him. It's only fair that Lan Wangji should also be added to the list. Destroyed because of his own selfish actions.

The tears also fall from sadness, his heart feeling irrevocably broken. Whereas Lan Wangji is irrevocably in love..Wei Wuxian feels like he has no right to ever feel that way. He just pushed away the only person in this or the other world that loves him, and even though Lan Wangji said his feelings would never change, how can Wei Wuxian possibly believe that? When he is in a hotel that is based on lies and deception, can he really believe what anyone has to say? But deep down he knows that every word the other man said is true in his heart but that does little to resolve his fears.

After awhile the tears finally cease and Wei Wuxian pushes himself up. His body feels weak, as it normally does anytime he experiences any sort of emotional stress. And this ranks high on the stress meter. But he wants to get cleaned up and try to wash away some of the disgrace he feels. Feet touch the wooden floor and he pushes himself up unsteadily. The bathroom feels like an eternity away but slowly he stumbles his way there, gripping chairs and tables for support. He runs himself a bath, lowering himself into it while it is still filling. He adjusts his hair so that it is atop of his head and not dragging in the water. And he cups the water in his hands and splashes it first upon his face, removing the tracks the tears took down his cheeks.

He lays there for awhile, well past when the water went from hot to room temperature. He needed to figure out what to do because he couldn't just avoid Lan Wangji forever. It would be fair to him and Wei Wuxian wasn't sure he could live with himself if he tried to do that. And slowly as the water washed away the weariness, his mind also came to a few decisions. It would take time to understand and accept everything. And he had questions he needed answers to..but couldn't get, or rather didn't want to get, from the source.

With the bath complete, and his mind and body feeling better, he went to bed. Allowing himself a chance to sleep and clear his mind. Tomorrow would be a new day and a new chance as figuring things out..hopefully completely clear of any potions or distractions from the hotel.

Three days later

Wei Wuxian has kept himself mostly secluded, meditating at times and other times just finding ways to entertain himself in the room. He needed space and he couldn't bring himself to go outside in case he ran into Lan Wangji. He couldn't face him until he was ready. Until he really knew what he wanted to say.

And perhaps this still wasn't really enough time but at least he had gotten over his initial shock and had time to weigh Lan Wangji's words in his mind. He still didn't fully trust them, and probably wouldn't while they were in this hotel. But he accepts it as a possible truth and therefore won't just brush it off. However, he is still not ready to just throw caution to the wind and jump into a relationship full steam ahead. In his mind lust and love were too very different animals and after having time to get the lust out of his system and be able to think about it, he wasn't ready to commit to love. But he was committed to his friendship with Lan Wangji and as long as the other was willing to wait for him, then that was all Wei Wuxian needed at that moment.

And so he finally ventured out of his room, cautiously glancing down the hallway to see if anyone else was out. Not seeing anyone and being silently thankful for that he emerges completely and shuts his door. He needs to put some space between him and his room in order to be able to fully extinguish that need to hide away and to prove to himself that he is going to be fine.

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